Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
