Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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