Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
