If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
