you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
