I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
