Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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