I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
