she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
