You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
