There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
