How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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