Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
