Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
