so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
