Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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