i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
