I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
