remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
