I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
