I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
