why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
