Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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