Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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