Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
