My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
