Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
