question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize