If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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