What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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