Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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