Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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