I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
