he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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