Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
