WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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