we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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