I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
