Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
