she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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