I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
