What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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