ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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