You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
