sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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