Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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