Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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