you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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