Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
