your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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