Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
