you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
