I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
