I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
