wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So vagazzling was a success
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
