How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
