I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
