Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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