I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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