Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
