Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
