im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
