Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
