Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize