Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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