i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
