I got chris browned last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he fucked my hip out of place.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
