i was born a porn star she said
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize