i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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